Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A Verified Mind-Blowing Astral-Projection-Like Experience

To partake in this experience the best results are going to be with people who

1) Smoke weed and are comfortable with being very high
and
2) Have some enjoyment in electronic music that has a loud bass line

This is a solid technique to completely forget you're in your body, experience full synesthesia, and experience what some would call astral projection

The following things are highly, highly recommended. The choice of music is not strict, but I've never heard any better examples, and these are perfectly formulated to produce the most heart-pounding, mind-blowing, synesthesia-wielding, astral projections to the beyond:

•Enough marijuana to smoke in one sitting to make yourself very high. When you are done smoking you should be barely able to remember why you started smoking.
•An MP3 player with good quality headphones, or the most fabulous stereo system on the planet.
•A room with little light and no other distractions
•Being very tired helps, but isn't always necessary
•These two albums. I suggest these two for a number of reasons, but the main being they are very progressive which allows the mind to truly expand and create incredible imagery:

Infected Mushroom - Converting Vegetarians
Infected Mushroom - Viscious Delicious
Or classical mushroom, or IM Supervisor... they are all ok but not the 2 newer albums. Viscious delicious is a must.

Effects will be the greatest if you've never heard these albums before! But don't fret if you're an I.M. fan, you can download any of the 1200 mic albums as well, but they are a second best.

On With the Experiment!
Keep up with how other people are doing here: http://www.highexistence.com/topic/i-want-participants-for-an-astral-projection-expt/

Smoke your herb, or however you want to do it. The goal is to be high to a point that you are not usually, a high where that almost pushes the zone of comfort, but still easy to relax. 

Go lay in bed and get very comfortable, imagine how comfy you are, and put in your head phones. Put the music on at a very low volume, just enough to hear every beat and sound - as the song progresses turn up the music, little by little until it, too, is just under the threshold of comfortableness - but you still can listen with ease. Do this slowly, all the while having your eyes closed and preferably under the covers. 

As the song peaks, so should your volume (to the loudest comfortable level).

At this point, colors and visions should be everywhere. You should be imagining yourself flying through space, visions of objects and great plains and buildings dancing everywhere. You may forget you are in your body. Your eyes may begin to vibrate and roll back - a normal thing. Pure euphoria and bliss may start to pulse through you.

Have fun. If it gets too intense for you, of course take the headphones off and take a breather. Not everyone enjoys this type of music, but you should try this first, as it is one of the most progressive mind-blowing music genres (artists) out there. 

If it doesn't work, put something softer in like Pink Floyd or one of the classics. Again, this is to expand your mind, bring some feelings you've never had before, and to have fun.

Don't do it too much or you'll end up like me.

So You Want to Know "Why"?

Spoiler! Do not read if you have not done it!

You've done the experiment? Really? Ok... go ahead.
The reason I ask you to do this is actually not for astral projection at all. The real reason I did this is because it was about the time that I started doing this in High School that I started to find extreme changes in my perceptions of reality - to great degrees. I found that at the same time I was picking up this "hobby" so to speak, of getting high and listening to this music before bed, I started a new awakening. Reality was literally shifting before my eyes.

As I evolved in this new perception, I started to wonder what was the cause, and what was really going on with me (I felt quite crazy, actually). Five years later I think this may have been a contributing part to the larger story. What I wanted to see:

1) Firstly it appeared to me that maybe this was a masculine-only phenomenon. No females I had ever talked to ever expressed experiencing something similar. I also had a feeling this music and being high combination was innately male. I have since completely proven this wrong, and won't be so foolish again.

2) I wanted to see if other people would have similar experiences of extreme senses of euphoria, fear, or like wise emotions. When I would do this, I would be in such a state of "awe" I could hardly breath for the emotions were so powerful - to see if anyone could have similar experiences would, at the very least, comfort me. Seeing that others have the same experience is indeed comforting.

3) I wanted to see if this experience was capable of being manifested outside of the music, outside of being high, or both, simply by trying to get to that state again. Again, seeing that others have had similar experiences... comforting, and I'm glad people are able to access this perception at will.

4) I wanted to see if this actually had some daily-life changes, even with no attempts to change perceptions. This is the ultimate test of this experiment - do these experiences actually effect how we perceive reality forever after? On some level I have gotten confirmation that this experience, does in fact have this effect.

This is, I believe, one of the closest experiences to psychedelics or entheogens one person can have without actually doing them, but doing them after fulfilling this experiment, would be quite the experience indeed.

Again - Check out the participants of the project HERE:
http://www.highexistence.com/topic/i-want-participants-for-an-astral-projection-expt/

Have fun with this, and don't worry - some people experience a "cloaked" figure, this is just a fabrication of the imagination, do not fear it. ;)

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Pramiracetam & Lion's Mane - Review, Effects, Dosage



Pramiracetam belongs to the Racetam families, which are nootropics. Nootropics are thought to increase the ability of the brain to fight alzheimers, increase memory, and even increase cognitive function. Below I will address these, and my personal experience with them.

If you only care about the Pramiracetam reviews skip to the Big Bold Blue Letters below. Otherwise here is some background on the racetams.

So, I don't know how the racetams work, and frankly I'm not interested. However, I'm interested in if they work, and to what degree. 

The reason I first got interested in the racetams is back about 4 years ago, when Piracetam started to get big. I was just entering my second year of college and I felt a bit stupid - like I was slowly losing my cognitive luster of yester-year. It was kind of a paranoid, delusional thought that brought me to the interwebz to find something to help, and I got on the band wagon, bought 500grams (yeah... that is a lot!) of piracetam, as well as acetylcholine (more on this later).

After about a week of solid use at the recommended dosages and even greater than those, I lost interest. Not much was happening. It was kind of like a caffeine high for about 15-30 minutes after ingestion, and then nothing. Every once in a while I would try it again, and it was just not doing anything.

I went back to research nootropics again after a year or so of disappointment from piracetam and saw new ones had entered the market - oxi- and aniracetam. I bought both. Again, nothing much was happening. I found myself studying just as hard, getting less results, and in some instances, my ability to focus was lowered. This wasn't what I had expected, and kind of scared me even more - what if these were doing some kind of damage?! (Don't worry I doubt that to be the case)

So in all my research what I came up with was there are two really important factors in nootropics - the nootropic itself, and a substrate on which it can work with - that acetylcholine I talked about before.

Acetylcholine is strongly tied to memory - we absolutely need it to make new memories, and its used in both long term and short term memory. 

Racetams increase blood flow to the brain (be warned to not drink or take drugs on these, as the effects can dramatically change). This became apparent one day when I had taken my usual dose of piracetam, aniracetam, and oxiracetam and later, in order to study, ingested some ritalin. The most awful, pulsating headache I've ever experienced followed me throughout the rest of the day - Never was this to be repeated again.

Working out on racetams made me simply want to keel over.

After 4 years of cold-shouldering the substances, once again it was brought to my attention that a new racetam was on the scene. Pramiracetam. I decided to give it a whirl.

Pramiracetam
After about 1 week of taking pramiracetam daily, I wasn't getting any effects I wanted. My studying wasn't better, I didn't feel more ambitious, and my memory wasn't enhancing. No noticeable effects. I continued the use, but something just wasn't right. It was almost as if I could concentrate less with pramiracetam. I would find myself in front of the computer screen, barely able to keep my body from going limp, and wanting to lay down on the floor from being tired.

I didn't have much pressing matters, so I continued on with the dosage, but also found this in my search - Lion's Mane mushroom. It is reported to be a rare compound that actually influences Neural Growth Factor - the holy grail of enhancing cognitive ability. I started taking the racetam and this supplement in tandem. Still feeling tired, after about a weeks worth of both in combination I stopped. 

Then something amazing happened.

It was my first day I had stopped taking the supplements, and I felt "normal" - no tiredness, no wilting in my chair. I felt good. I felt better than good. In fact, I felt very on top of everything - but my question:

Is this an effect of the supplements, or me just being back to normal?

I tested this, and I started to take these supplements on an every-other-day basis. What ensued was incredible. On the days I take the supplements I feel a bit cloudy - liek I'm not taking much information in. On the days I'm off the supplements I feel normal - and by normal, I mean I feel how I should feel. Information gets stored much quicker, I'm able to "connect the dots" easier. How can I REALLY test this though?

Plant Biology 101: 
First Midterm Grade: B- [Only taking pramiracetam, acetylcholine]
I had studied for this test for a solid week. I came out of the test thinking, "My god - am I really that stupid?" I felt absolutely terrible after taking it, I had studied so much and got a less than decent grade.

Second Midterm Grade: A [Piracetam, acetylcholine, Lion's Mane]
I didn't study at all for this test the night before, and for only about 2-3 hours the day prior. I was finding myself able to fully remember entire complex scenes, cycles, and structures only after one or two looks. The entire calvin cycle was memorized under 4 minutes. Photosynthesis was under 10. 

I had never felt this in control of my memory before. 

I was able to look at page of notes, copy the page of notes, and then spit out the information verbatim, only 5 minutes after. This was unprecedented for me.

So you must have the question - is it the Lion's Mane, the Racetam, or both?

I do not know, but I believe it to be both working synergistically. 

I think there is something amazing here. Please, do yourself a favor, and get some of these supplements if you need the extra memory. 

Good luck.



Sunday, November 18, 2012

Morality - Can it be objective?

Morality

Morality is often distinguished from science. It is philosophy - something that can never be proven, and more directly, is presented to us in such a way that there is never a true Right or Wrong in any given situation, but according to everyone's upbringing, and society - we make choices.

Yet, 99.9% of this planet's inhabitants will say it is wrong to kill someone for fun. A slightly smaller number would make the same claim for animals, and it this number would almost completely turn around if you stated the same question, in regards to plants. Very few people would decidedly say it is morally wrong to kill a plant for fun:

Mowing your lawn would become an incredibly difficult task to do if you had to decide it on a moral basis!

So what is it that drives us to believe these moral codes (or disbelieve them)? Why is it that we hold plants in a lower regard than animals? I doubt anybody would argue that breaking a rock for the fun of it is morally wrong, so where do we begin to distinguish this?

Of course, it is life, but we view life in varying degrees - we base this on varying degrees of consciousness. We do not know for certain what animals are more conscious than others, but most people would rather kill a slug than a husky, and killing people is obviously not a good thing. 

So it is just some kind of subjective thing - these morals pertaining to the killing or hurting of other living beings? Or could it be possible to extract some kind of objective stance on this - for example, the greater the conscious level of the being, the more respect it deserves. 

Sam Harris argues this very point (and is the purpose I created this article). After you watch the video, however, I want to bring up some important questions I have come up with.


So, if you agree with his above statements - that is, that morals can be and should be objective stances, we must look at how we value these, and the relative levels we give them.

For instance:
We have worms (arguably one of the lowest animals), rabbits, cows, dogs, apes, and humans. The majority of people around the world would agree that we should be able to kill cows for our own survival, but dogs are iffy, and killing apes would only be ok in a small minority of people. But how do we make this decision - it is obvious a very bold line we draw - We kill cows, that is fine, but dogs are not to be killed. It is interesting to note, that pigs are known to be quite intelligent animals, rivaling the most intelligent dogs, yet we do not question there sacrifice for our plate.

It is clear that most people in the world are not objective about this - that is, there is not a clear distinction they will make in the category of "what is OK to kill" and "what is not OK to kill".

A Bit of a Mental Exercise:

Taking this concept even further, imagine 5 million years from now, when the diversity of the planet is immense, and the humans of today look like fumbly, stupid, prehistoric animals. In 5 million years, would we value that prehistoric human animal of the 2000's as on a level of intelligence to not kill? The intelligent beings on earth at that point would be so far advanced that the humans of today would be on the scale of our pigs, or dogs. But it is disgusting to believe that by that time we would be farming our "lesser evolved" ancestors for food, wouldn't it be?

So how can one draw a line now which is objective, only to have the line move later on - how can this be objective?
Or
Should we define some point in mental cognition that leaves that animal safe from the slavery of the farm pen?

I don't have the answers to these questions. I still have the pre-developed notion that morals are subjective things, so it is difficult for me to even consider that these are objective. Yet, I do not want to feel bad about what I am eating. I do not want to be able to empathize with it, nor imagine that it suffers. I can easily see this in apes in a zoo, or dogs locked in 3x3' cage, so I choose, obviously, to not eat them. A rabbit becomes tricky, and I would rather not, if I can avoid it. Cows, pigs, even chickens I find have some form of suffering which I hope to minimize in my life's footprint.

I think we can easily make objective stances on which animals are more conscious than others, but to make an objective placement in which they are OK to kill for our own benefit - I'd rather not take part in. I would say "but its up to you" - but that would defeat the entire post, wouldn't it?

Thanks for reading.


Sunday, November 4, 2012

Everything Entheogen

What is a psychedelic?

The term usually represents a group of compounds or plants that change perspectives, feelings, and generally, reality. Under this definition, most things are psychedelics - caffeine makes you more alert (or nervous), sugar can make you hyper (or tired if you're me), and high amounts of nicotine can make you not want to move. If you wanted to be even more broad, since food releases endorphins, you could classify foods as psychedelics.

This is "Fly Agaric" or Amanita Muscaria, a strong psychoactive reportedly used by the
Scandinavians for "berserker rage". If you attempt these - make sure to boil or bake them, as they are
poisonous otherwise!

However, I'm going to use the term to describe, analyze, and reflect on the strong psychedelics - those that distort vision, bring bold revelations, and perhaps even cause hallucinations. Most psychedelics are not hallucinatory - they simply distort visual capabilities - they do not, generally, create fictitious visions of dragons and monsters. So what are some examples of psychedelics?

The most well know are definitely Marijuana, LSD, and psilocybin, with mescaline (peyote), ayahuasca, ibogaine, Salvia Divinorum, DMT, LSA usually taking a back seat and only known to the people actually interested in the substances. For those foreign to psychedelics these words may be new, but all of them are derived from natural substances, with LSD being the only one that isn't found in nature.

EDIT: As Martijn from HighExistence.com pointed out, the word Psychedelic has unfortunate bias, tying it to hippies, the 60's and an image generally not accepted to be powerful and serious. Thus, I'd like use the term Entheogen - which, I agree, is more appropriate. The term Entheogen (from wikipedia) is summed up as "generating the divine within". Usually entheogen also includes the experience of a ritual, but I will use it more broadly, to represent all these psychedelic compounds.

So what is a psychedelic entheogen experience like?

In all honesty, no sum of words can ever truly represent the experience. It is like trying to explain to a taxi driver what its like to walk on the moon - the feelings and emotions are completely subjective and can only truly be experienced "on the other side". One person's interpretation (and subsequent explanation) is going to be dramatically different from many other's.

It is very dependent on who you are as a person, where you are in your life, and how you view yourself, as well as others. In fact, this is one of the most useful and powerful reasons to partake in entheogen use - you will be able to see (if you allow it) the explanations of these questions, or qualities of yourself.

When we go through our life, we feel good days and bad days. We focus on the negative, we focus on the positive. We go back and forth, and our thoughts usually don't amount to much, it is the untrained monkey brain that allows this to happen. That is we "swing from tree to tree" or "thought to thought". We lose so much time worrying or occupying our minds with thoughts that go back and forth - rarely do these random thoughts amount to any intrigue, excitement, or curiosity. These beneficial feelings usually come from experiences, not simply thinking on one's own.

Below I illustrate this; a jumping back and forth between thinking good about things and thinking bad, but there is not much more to be said.



Psychedelics aren't always so different, that is, we can often simply amplify our jumping thoughts, or our monkey brain. We jump from positive to negative, the difference now being our feelings are incredibly amplified, and there is a sense of clairvoyance as to why certain things are negative and positive. This can be helpful, but this isn't one of the most profound experiences, or reasons why I take entheogens, rather - there is a certain change of experience, of perception...

In the entheogen experience, a rarely encountered feeling while sober occurs - enlightenment. Its when we see things from "above" we become aware of ourselves and our surroundings to a level almost incomprehensible while sober. There is an almost sure-fired path to enlightenment, as long as we look for, and accept it when it is presented. 

An illustration is below, and, although simple, the feeling that it is accompanied by is profound.


Now we have become aware of our intrinsic monkey brain! We become aware of our awareness - a hyperconsciousness, a new, higher level of consciousness. No longer do we see the vantage point of "I" - we start to question the I, and view it as a stranger. The body, the mind, the "me" becomes separate, and we can see without the filter of our social lives. 

The revelations here can be soothing or confronting. We can become enamored with how great life is, and the endless possibilities we have before us, or we can become trapped in thoughts that seem to limit us, relationships that block us from fuller potentials. 

The most profound feelings I have had on entheogens is when I see how the "I" acts in certain situations. It is as if I have been constantly living life with a veil over my perspective, blinding me of my own actions. Entheogens puts up a mirror, allowing one to dissect, examine, and understand one's self.

My Experiences

I have a few experiences, but am by no means extremely experienced (which I would define as 15+ strong trips). I have taken psilocybin, DMT, Salvia, LSD, Mescaline, marijuana, and a very weak brew of ayahuasca - I tried LSA but it only made me want to puke. My experiences are mostly moderate, with my first psilocybin trip and many of my DMT excursions being the most intense, and Salvia being one of the most vivid. Smoking weed for me is on par with a mushroom trip, I kid you not.

What happened on these trips - where did I go? What did I see? Why did I keep going back?

PSILOCYBIN

My first mushroom trip was exhausting and debilitating. I had taken them at a party, and suddenly became overwhelmed with sleepiness. I decided to drive home, expecting the mushrooms to be a dud. As I got in the car, suddenly my small coupe became as large as a limousine  and the sky became a vibrantly on fire with blue and green. I drove around, admiring this, but with my pre-conceived notions to fall asleep soon, I went headed home. As the world started to warp for the first time, I ran over a curve and suddenly realized the severity of my situation. I needed to get home fast, but safely, as my condition was escalating. I made it home safely, but approaching the door of my house a wave of dread came over me. Being inside a house was so much different than being outside. It was as if I knew as soon as I walked into my house, my world would change - and it did. Its almost as if someone took my brain out, and replaced it with a new one. I became a different personality inside, as I was expecting to interact with my Father (Which didn't happen, thankfully).

As the trip escalated, my thoughts became sporadic. I started to wonder if this was going to end or slow down at all (a beginners foolish thoughts), but of course it would. My mind raced - I kept imagining myself dying, and everyone else becoming sad, friends and family committing suicide from my death. People forgetting about me later. The emotions came like hurricanes that rocked my body and heart. I was becoming weak physically and mentally. I just wanted it to end.

I awoke anew, fresh and happy to have survived the night. Life was so calm, everyone seemed so quaint and happy. It was almost as if everyone knew what had happened to me, but was being extra nice and comforting. This comfort didn't last long - my perspective jumped from "everyone is so nice" to "does anyone know about this stuff at all?" to "what if everyone knows about this type of thinking, and I'm the only one that doesn't?". My thoughts became paranoid, stressful and panicky. I became ultra-aware of what everyone was saying and doing. I tried to find out if what I was projecting onto people - whether they were intelligent or not - was true. I would search for words people used, and phrases, tones, and body language - anything to validate or falsify whether or not I could "read" people.

Analysis of Post Trip:
The trip brought up so many questions and realizations, but it seemed unfinished. I had been confronted with the fear of (painful) death, the fear of being alone, the fear of insanity. The way I had seen things was brand new, it was like all of my deeply rooted thoughts, lodged way deep in the back of my brain had emerged all at once, and all in unison. It very much seemed like my subconscious had taken over, and these thoughts that were foggy little things, biting at my heels my whole life had completely consumed me. I was not ready for that night.

Yet I had heard so many stories of absolute bliss and happiness on these substances and I wanted to obtain that - so began my psychedelic excursions and so began the most introspective and challenging years of my life. I needed to find that bliss and happiness that seemed to elude me. I left the trip with the question of "Why was my experience so incredibly negative, while others were able to experience such great things?"


SALVIA DIVINORUM
Salvia kind of makes the world look like this...

After a few unsuccessful tries with psilocybin again to clarify things in my head (they were just not potent enough to induce strong effects) I was offered Salvia Divinorum. I knew about it, and thought I'd probably never try it, but I gave it a shot. The person who gave it to me kept taking tiny, tiny hits, and I thought how stupid he looked, and figured I better show him how its done. I took hold of the glass pipe, lit the plant matter, and inhaled the biggest lung of smoke I can think of. As my body began to shake, I fell back to the ground, and as I hit the ground my body became 'stale' and I found myself falling through a vortex of body parts. 

It is so uncanny how the world turned into human figures and this prius commercial I simply MUST add it:

Falling through an tunnel of hands grabbing and pointing at me I descended into a tiny vibrant, primary colored house (yellow, blue, red). Obviously designed for children. There were my four friends, standing there - in the house which was about 2 feet tall and 10 feet wide (I was crawling beneath ceiling and floor). Yet I somehow knew they were actors. That this Salvia Reality was the actual reality - the more valid reality - and they had known this all along, but were acting as if they didn't. Almost like a cosmic Truman Show. I was to just be something to watch and learn from, but with no awareness of my own. This was the confrontation of my greatest fear - that all reality was an illusion, and everyone knew this but me

I came out of the trip shaken, but not broken. I was determined to conquer this fear.

Analysis of Post-trip:
I had been shown my absolute worst fear. A fear I had subconsciously created since I was a child. When I was young I was constantly depressed about death, and God. I was one of those "Why is there so much suffering if there isn't a god?" kids. Unbeknownst to me, I had created this fear that I was alone in this world - that even the closest to me were simply 'actors' of some sort in a cosmic play. I was the only one unaware of it going on - the guinea pig for some kind of existential analysis. A fear so grand and so complex - yet it hid beneath my line of sight for so long...

AYAHUASCA
A good rendition of a full ayahuasca experience. 

This section will be very short. I had brewed my own ayahuasca with little understanding of what I was actually doing. The concoction turned out to be very weak, but I had ingested it anyways. I laid on the beach watching the sun set over the horizon. As the feeling began to creep up on me that something was going on, the innate fear of my previous trips exploded. I attempted to accept it and hold it in as a powerful person would, but this beast could not be contained. I turned on my stomach to the sand, and there, hugging the cold grainy earth - I heard and felt a heart beat. Earth was hugging me back, but it was miles down. At the time I had figured it would be best if I do not partake in this trip any further and forced myself to vomit.

The visuals were beautiful - the horizon was waves of purple and orange. My friends felt very warm and close to me. Everything they said I examined with the up most clarity. A wave of my hand displayed to me the internal skeletal structure, as if an X-Ray had been given. Speaking to my father shortly after was the warmest conversation I had had in a long time. I was generally interested in every word he had to say. I had never felt such contentment with the small things in life. But again, I felt as if I had been blocked, by fear, from my goal.

Analysis of post trip:
The light load of the trip was extremely beneficial to mental clarity, and my ability to respond to stimuli. I could drive my car without worry, and holding conversations was a pleasure. But the X-Ray hand bothered me. It was a split second - like the substance wanted to show me it's true potential. It has been foretold that many Shamans, after ingesting Ayahuasca, can immediately explain all ailments of a man or woman. They can easily tell an intestinal parasite has taken hold, simply from the skin color - but its more so that the drug shows these deep qualities of health within us. Upon taking the drug, understanding and empathy were at their peak. I understood where everyone was - as if they were all on some mental journey towards something- some had given up, some were ambitious, some were fearful. Things the sober mind lacks in understanding. After these trips, ayahuasca and psilocybin, it became apparent to me that the subconscious is always doing these things - it knows where people are (metaphorically), and how they feel, and what they believe of the world yet it doesn't communicate that to our consciousness. Why is it so? This very fact is why I continually go back to entheogens - I want to see that connection between the subconscious and the conscious mind. To have full awareness of my mind. Even the highest levels of meditation, I do not believe, can mimic this type of full-bodied awareness.

DIMETHYL TRYPTAMINE (DMT)
Alex Grey's rendition of "DMT Dreaming"
Oh, DMT, how you've treated me so. DMT, Spice, Elf Spice, Hyper Space - these are all synonyms for the compound. It is naturally derived from many plant sources, but most likely anything you come across will be from Mimosa Hostilis Root Bark (MHRB), which is a pretty tropical plant with purple root bark. Although MHRB has a very large amount of DMT (relative to other plants) it is not known to have been used in many ayahuasca rituals, this is where Psychotria Viridis comes in - a tropical plant that grows in the Amazon.

My experiences with DMT are anywhere from mild to absolute awe-struck, bodily detachment, speaking to gods, and so forth. My first trip that I actually felt on DMT (previous were completely unsuccessful) destroyed me. I was warped to another plane of being and judged in front of three gods. They told me horrific things, terrible fears, and confronting truths about the world. They told me how the universe actually worked. Then, they said "Do you want to hear it?" I knew what "it" was - it was the answer to everything. Before I could answer they told me. I remember the feeling, although it fades with each passing month. What the said was so profound, so disturbing, yet what followed will explain:
"Now that you have heard, we will give you the choice - completely forget what we have said, and go back to your life, or keep what you have learned."
In my mind I said "I cannot possibly deal with this. There is no way I could live with knowing this..."

And so, I was sent back to Earth, my memory wiped clean of the exact details of the conversation, but the feeling remained. A sunken absence of a soul, almost. I wandered that day as if I knew the world was going to end. Everything seemed different, but sad. I knew I needed to change myself. I had too much fear, too much pent up anxiety about things - why was I so afraid of what they told me?

Analysis post-trip:
These gods were images I had seen before, and as I looked at them, I knew I had created them - they were figments of my imagination. I had seen these images of Gods from video games, movies, and various other places, so as they approached me (or I approached them, I can't remember) it became apparent that these were parts of me, not some extraterrestrial beings. So how could I have come up with something that so distraught me, as to completely wipe it from my mind? How could anything possibly explain what had just transpired? The paradox with these higher levels of consciousness is - at one point, you may realize that everything you see is some kind of regurgitation of all you know. This isn't new information that's being presented, its just a separate perspective being seen, a separate paradigm being understood. Yet how can one create such incredible visions? How could I induce my own amnesia of the event?

Subsequent trips:
After my heavy trip I've gone in and out of DMT space multiple times. The ability for DMT to completely change what reality is is an incredible tool for our minds. We can see the connections of all things so easily; I sat on my friend's floor and inhaled. As I sat, the world became vibrant with energy - all things were electrical impulses, vines of energy and information pulsing and throbbing through all matter. My hands became one with the floor, and as I lifted off, the vines took shape again. Instantly I seemed to understand the "physics" of this realm. I understood it didn't have E=MC^2, or our various mathematical 'laws'. Here it was completely different - all things flowed and changed rapidly. There were no laws.

Again - how could I have come up with such intricacies on my own account - my own subconscious?

I've never felt bliss to such an extent on DMT. It has gotten to a point where every breath is reminiscent of a whole-body orgasm, a result from asking the substance to "Show me happiness". I was clutching my pillow, giggling with the most incredible sensations of love and goodness, almost to a point where it was unbearable.

Take Home Message

I could think of so many things to say, but none of them really give justice to entheogens, but I will attempt to sum them up in as precise a manner as I can;

The Hidden Mind

Entheogens are very subjective, depending on what you expect of them, how you feel about your life and yourself, and your spiritual or religious perspectives will influence your trip to a great degree. Not everyone is fully aware of what they really believe, though. We have these fleeting thoughts in our subconscious, or even our conscious that we are not always aware they are there. Our fears, our deepest beliefs. Those of us who label ourselves as "Christian", "Jewish", "Hippie" or "Goth" will come to terms with these labels - as they are only illusions. Our true beliefs shine forth in entheogens, and that is for sure.

A person can go their entire life acting, and believing that they are a good person. Yet every once in a while they may have a question, or a doubt "Am I really doing the right thing?", the slightest doubt of ones self can come full force in a trip, presenting many conflicting view points in the person's life.

In the same way, a person who is doubtful of one's self constantly, but knows "At least I'm doing the right thing" will more likely than not be immensely rewarded in a trip - as their true nature shines through.

The smallest of doubts and fears can consume us, just as the smallest pick-me-ups and positive thinking can elevate us to new happiness on these substances.

Duality of Entheogens
This is one of the hardest questions I deal with today - Is what I 'see' on Entheogens an absolute truth, or is it simply warping of the mind to produce intense revelations, paradigm shifts, and perspectives. Were the Gods I saw on DMT truly other beings, souls, or entities that simply took form into my memories? Was it just a self-created illusion, produced from the new drug in my brain? 

Countless times have I tried to examine this, and many times I have been shown that not all revelations I see on these entheogens, no matter how truthful they seem, are in fact truths. There has been many times where, while quite high, I imagine that people act a certain way for a certain reason, and it is true for all of us. Yet, in a sober light it becomes an obvious fallacy - nothing more than a thought based on curiosity and imagination.

Is what we see while experiencing entheogens true, but when we come down to sobriety our the laws and truths that govern our lives change? Could it be possible that while peaking on ayahuasca - everything one sees is an absolute truth, as long as the entheogen is active, yet upon coming down, we enter back into the physical reality?

How can one answer these questions? As you can imagine, these can be struggles to answer and deal with, and puts the entire use of entheogens into question. Are we merely kids in a sandbox, playing with our brains, or is there something absolutely profound here? I would hope for the latter, but we may never understand.

Changes in Life

Without a doubt taking a strong entheogen for the first time will change your life. It describes the world in such a new perspective, that no matter what is being shown, the experiencer must learn something incredible, confronting or comforting. Life becomes both more real, but less serious, as we see things from an outside perspective. What was once a hectic race to become something, to fill goals, now is seen as a steady trail, possibly branching off in many directions. Life becomes a journey, and we become observers of this body, along for the ride, attempting to gain as much happiness and goodness as possible, while minimizing the negativity and sadness. 

There is without a doubt in my mind that this simple "bird's eye view" that these entheogens give us at moderate doses is worth the effort. The higher doses are for those inquisitive enough, and curious enough to stress the mind on existential questions at hand. 

Generally, people will see life as more or less a play - we are all actors. Some of us more believable than others. But on entheogens we put down the mask, we put down the act and we watch, at least for a while. Sometimes what we see may be disturbing, sometimes absolutely beautiful. An incredible journey through the mind and soul.

Lifting of the veil

I love this term, and when someone recognizes this from their own experiences, often they also adopt it. No matter where we are in life, no matter how we feel, we are always filtering our reality. We only see what we want to see, or what we've been trained to see. Our entire lives are built on efficiently examining our environment. A hunter may never see a diamond in the dirt, but a gem hunter may be unaware of the deer only a few yards away. We are constantly going through life, choosing (subconsciously, or indirectly) these filters we put on. I call them veils, because sometimes what we see, profoundly impacts our mood.

Entheogens lift this veil. High doses create an incredible wealth of information to flow through us. Things that once seemed simple become incredibly complex and dynamic. We are able to master feats before that seemed difficult. Ideas sporadically come to light, and problems seem to be solved much easier.

Depression can be removed. Finally the day comes when the world is no longer grey, but we have a chance to see all the vibrant colors of life, all the happenings, the details that surround us.

Anger diminishes, as we empathize with those we have hurt. We now see the true implications of our actions, far beyond what is simply said or done from our hand.

Stupidity and intelligence become meaningless. We see all things as simply beings; existing in their lives. Who was once stupid becomes intelligent, and who was once intelligent becomes stupid in face of how relative the terms are.

Finally, and most dramatically, we see the web of life, or the web of existence. All things seem intimately connected. Every action we make effects everything else, from the feeling of our home, to our relationships with friends, to the light and energy being emitted - travelling far beyond this solar system. We are not alone in this universe, we are never alone. A quote from Cloud Atlas wraps this up nicely;

“Our lives are not our own. 
We are bound to others, 
Past and present, 
And by each crime
 And every kindness, 
We birth our future.”
Final Thoughts
My final thoughts are important, and I want to emphasize them. I no longer feel a need to take entheogens. I have been there, and seen what was presented to me, and have gained so much that it will take me a life time to observe and analyze what's already happened. I may go back now and again, but these experiences have shaped who I am to a great degree. I enjoy my place now, and need not to question it for some time.

In the words of the Great Alan Watts:
"When you get the message - hang up the phone."

Thank you for reading.