"Too smart to be happy?"

When we are born we are dumb.
We grow, and get shown the world by other people, their perspective.

We take strength in what we're told and what we're shown.

But when we start to read and question and think about whats been handed to us - we find most of it is wrong. Its construed, its backwards, its meaningless.

This makes us sad, for our whole lives seem based on false ideologies and paradigms. 

We begin to question everything. Everyone. Is anyone right? Is there even a 'right' at all?

Once we’ve been tricked and are forced to learn on our own, life seems a bit less happy than what we were told. We have to start over, erase all the falsehoods and fairy tales.

We grow, thinking this place is foolish, filled with fools and stupid people. We alienate and think ourselves different.

We start wondering why other people are happy at all – "ignorance is bliss", we suppose.

But then we come across these genius minds, and they are also happy.

We struggle to understand - maybe they're only smart in one thing, but they are stupid in others?

Maybe they 'just don't get it.' even with all that smart, and all that intelligence, they still just don't get it.

Maybe they have some cognitive dissonance?

We try to talk to them, follow them, or understand and make sure we’re missing something.
But we’re not. 

These are genuinely intelligent people, who know all we know and more.

But they're happy.
How do they do that? How can they get it but still be happy?

And so we grow again, into the next stage. 

Finding that happiness isn't this "ignorant-only" thing.

It may take a smart man to realize flaws in happiness.
But it takes an even greater mind to create it.

Series of Responses to the "Depressed" - What to do about depression (The real 'cure')

Today someone posted on a website that they were depressed. The phrase "End it all" appeared, and, although I wasn't worried (the one's who write this are the lucky ones), I responded. I'm deciding to put my response here because I think its worthy of some space in "the cloud". 

The thing that immediately clicks in my mind when someone makes a post like this is they are not suicidal, they only think they are. They have come to the conclusion that happiness is something they will never have and fear and depression will be in their future forever. What is the one thing that causes you to get scared/depressed the most?

The future, right? You think
“Oh my god, what if this keeps happening forever?”
“What if when I’m 50 it comes back and its even worse?”
“What if I’m like my mom when she’s 50?”

You know what this is? This is just existentialism, through one lens. You are going through your life contemplating one possibility and one possibility only. When you feel down, you cast that veil upon your future, diminishing ALL your possibilities, all your greatness, all your motivation, inspiration and beauty come to a halt and you FOCUS on this bullshit depression filled paradigm that you are consumed with in that moment.

LIFE is not about the future. Life is about NOW and when you cast yourself in the abyssal slums of depression in the NOW you should keep it there, and dwell within it, and learn from it, so the next time it comes you say “Oh fuck. Here goes another day of shit. I’ll try and make tomorrow better.”

Our minds are cycles, and our lives are not our own. We weave these stories of who we are and what we are from past and present. It is foolish of us to place this into the future. YOU, HEEDTHEM, need to realize this. You need to realize that you will have bad days and you will have good days, but the only way to remove the bad days from the future are to keep them in the now. Your post is plastered with references to the future, and its obvious that this is where your depression is coming from.

Take the negative, depressive, empty feelings and sit in them. Say to yourself ‘I understand this is going to last some time, but I will recover and I can move on.’

If, however, you refrain from this and continue along the lines of “What if I never get better? What if I’m like this when I’m my mom’s age?What if I’m depressed when I have kids” You will continue writing these posts, you will continue looking for escapes, and you will continue to push others away.

Which brings up another point. In order to bring good into your life – you have to GIVE. You need to give the love that you have. You need to hug to be hugged and you need to kiss to be kissed.

Be done with this b.s. fear-shit. Be done with the grim future. Be done with the “what ifs” and the doubts. Start giving, and receiving. Start loving. Start remembering the now, and keeping the future for another day.

There was a year in my life where I contemplated buying a gun. Every day seemed to be exactly the same. I would wake up and my FIRST thought would be “Fuck this. I feel like shit again. Why am I even here.” Every day for 3 months. Every day.

I lost all emotional ties to my parents. My friends became manikins that I rode around with, life was useless. The future was meaningless. I was just existing out of pure apathy of not wanting to go through the hassle of buying a weapon to end my life quickly. I just rode the waves of depression.

But I realized, as I stated above, that all that shit, all the negativity was from condemning my own future. OF casting that pitch-black veil on my later years. I was destroying any chance I had before I even had it. I was killing myself in the days to come. I was the culprit, nothing else, and there can be no other reason for depression except yourself.

Its bullshit to call ‘imbalances’ or ‘genetics’ as well, and I don’t even want to / or have the time to go into this, but its total BS. Those millions of people with depression? Self-fulfilling prophecy. We don’t have genes to make us depressed, thats just silly. We are ACTIVELY turning on those genes, and the more they tell us its ‘just how we are’ the more we accept it, the more those genes get comfortable with being on.

So fuck ALL that shit. Fuck all the crap they tell you, and realize that you, and I, and all of us, are really beautiful people. We can give so much to everyone, and our futures can be brighter than we can possibly imagine. Take THIS kind of talk and plaster it on your kid’s future. Take this motivational, inspirational wonderful stuff and paint your future with it. Rip down the bleak meaninglessness and begin filling the future with bright clarity and understanding.

In response to feeling dissociated, and that the above "doesn't work for me."

First – the dissociation feeling is a by-product of being ‘depressed’. Dissociation is what happens to you after you’ve been in depression repeatedly or for any serious duration. Its your brain’s way of saying “holy fuck I need to cut some ties” so it starts diluting everything its taking in. Dissociation goes away when depression goes away. At one point I was so dissociated, I remember on multiple occasions (possibly a dozen) where I couldn’t remember if what had happened during the day was reality or a dream. I had conversations with my parents where I couldn’t remember if we had actually talked or if I was imagining things into existence. I would wake up some days and completely forget the previous day. It was an odd experience in my life.

Second, the reason that you aren’t getting from “What if?” to “Fuck yeah” is because you don’t believe its possible. This is the biggest misconception about human consciousness I know of. Happiness is a choice, and we actually don’t want to accept this. It seems fake if it were such an easy thing, right? I mean real happiness has substance – I have to be a happy person to feel happiness.

But its quite the inverse. In order to be a happy person, you need to create happiness. And sometimes the best way to do that is to literally make it out of thin air. Make happiness from nothing. You may want to repeat my happiness trials from my dead blog some time ago.

I was long since passed my depression when I wrote it, but I wanted to experiment. I was having a very ‘bleak’, that is, very neutral gray attitude towards everything. Stuff was just happening. Not really happy not really sad, just chilling. So I decided fuck me, why not try to be happy? Why not ‘fake it till I make it’?

I woke up everyday, and I smiled. I faked it but really tried to make it real (you can feel these waves of forcing it and then actual happiness happen – its rather interesting). I would drive to work, very tired, but smiling. I would smile at shitty drivers, I would smile at the cloudy sky. I would smile at the thought of sitting at my desk all day. Most of the time it was like “No, Jon… not gonna happen.” But about 10% of the time when I started I would actually feel happy. I would feel like it was a summer day, bright and sunny, cool breeze. I would imagine myself in my favorite spot.

Now I do the same exercise and within a minute I become ecstatic. Its ridiculous. At times I feel like a mad man, as I sit in my back yard laughing hysterically at NOTHING. I’ve conjured happiness from thin air.

You don’t have to try this, and actually – it may be healthier with your neighbor-relations if you don’t (they probably think I’m nuts now). But what I’m saying is there is this misconception that happiness happens to us. And although this can be true, we also have the ability to create happiness.

Anyway, you’re future is bright. I know this and I think deep down you might as well. If you keep on this track, and quit with the pre-determining of your future as some bleak blob, you’ll catch wind in your sail and be who you want to be. I hope I’ve demonstrated that “I’ve been there” and that I got the fuck out.

When asked "Where to experience?"

I was asked where is the best place to 'experience' - that is, partake in any type of spiritual or religious journey. My response is as follows;

My favorite spot is about 100 miles from any decently sized city.
I don't hear cars, I don't hear people, rarely do I even hear the prop of a plane.
I canoe around, and wander in the trees. I reflect my thoughts on the blue sky and white clouds while streaming in the sun's blessings. The world speaks to me here, it condemns and condones all parts of my life. The trees become my father, mother, brother and sister. The birds become aware of me, and I of them.
I cannot ignore my surrounding's most meaningful advice here. All things come at face value and with the weight of the Earth. I often leaved riddle, confused, yet relieved and relaxed. As if my journey has both ended and began.
Trying to experience such epiphanies or attempting introspection in a city, or a park leaves me distant and dilute. I feel as if nature is no longer there, but rather covered up and muffled. I can't communicate and I learn little, and fear much.
I do not enjoy 'experience' with concrete in sight.

The Transmuter

Transmute:

v. trans·mut·ed, trans·mut·ing, trans·mutes

v.tr.

To change from one form, nature, substance, or state into another; transform: Alchemists tried to transmute lead into gold. See Synonyms at convert.

Transmutation is synonymous with alchemy; it is the changing of one form to another. It is often used in biology as well, for often we see transmutations in energy. For instance, the sun's energy is transmuted in plants into sugars and starches, which later we can ingest and gain that energy from.

But today I want to talk about emotional transmutation. This is the key to becoming a successful, level headed, likeable person. The ability to take any emotion and turn it into something productive. For instance, there has been a great deal of internet hype around transmuting sexual energy into being productive. In other words, when you're horny as a goat, if you master a certain technique, you can use that 'energy' to write, paint, or get something done for your work or school.

In my post "I Think I've Hit Rock Bottom" I talked about transmuting the lowest of the low in our emotions - where we're depressed, feel useless, and have lack of energy - into a point where we start to change.

I'd like to go over how to do that. How to transmute, and how to be an 'alchemist' of emotions. My example will be you just got fired from your job.

1. Focus on what is bothering you or engulfing you. Take a deep breath and just dive into it. Consume yourself with how you just got fired - that feeling of betrayal, denial, discomfort, and loss.

2. Imagine the worst possible scenario. You lose your house, your car, you become homeless and have to beg for money. You lose all your friends.

3. Realize that this situation is incredibly slim, and that even this worst scenario has possibilities. You will undoubtedly meet new people and explore new places. You may have the chance to finally sleep on the beach. Hell, you might even enjoy not paying bills or having deadlines, there are a lot of people that choose to be homeless.

4. Remove blame - The universe unfolds as it does. All things happen - there are no evil people or evil intentions, there are only ideas of evil that harbor themselves in people's minds.

5. Transmute that negative energy into movement and action. Take what you wish would have happened and make it a reality. This is the leverage point from which you can explode into new possibilities. Einstein was told he was stupid. Lance Armstrong never won a race before diagnosed with cancer. Steve Jobs (although I don't like the example) had a bleak outlook of Apple at one point, before becoming the giant it is today.

Success from failure is not a coincidence, it's a recipe. Heroin addicts recover the best when they can't get any lower. In the world of business, it is often the most successful people have the longest history of failure.

Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
      - Albert Einstein -

And I will end on that note.

The Most Important Book

It is a subjective phrase, of course other books may be more important in other contexts, but this book is able to grip a being at their core, and shake them straight as a nail, if understood.

The book - Sacred Speech: The Way of Truth Speak by Tamarack Song

Of its premise is that we are fundamentally set up to lie, fib, and smudge the truth. We do it to avoid hurting others, and we do it to keep ourselves out of danger. Ironically, these two reasons of doing it are actually the end product of our interactions when we do not speak truth.

In short - truth speaking is that way of speaking, that voice and language, that vocabulary, that feel in words that provokes seriousness, and makes us focus on what is being said. We become one with the speaker and take what is said and understand it on a level far beyond that of just diction. We have communicated to each other in the fullest way possible.

I urge all that see this post to read this book. It can be downloaded for free, or purchased:

Free version:
http://teachingdrum.org/truthspeakingsample.pdf

Donations:
http://teachingdrum.org/writingsoftamaracksong.html?page=sacredspeech

Happiness Trials - A Review

About a year and month ago today I started the Happiness Trials on a now dead blog, and I followed it for 1 week.

What I did was - woke up, smiled as soon as I got out of bed. Brushed my teeth and smiled while looking in the mirror. Drove to work and smiled at the sky and at the road.

About 75% of the time it felt forced, and just felt like the muscles in my face were mimicking a smile. But about 25% of the time, the feel of happiness and actually smiling would cover my body. After the first few days I started getting explosions of bliss. I remember at one point I was 10 minutes from work and I couldn't stop smiling. It was taking over. I started laughing, almost hysterically in my car. No radio, no music, no friends, totally alone - laughing completely full of glee.

I would arrive at work every day in a completely different mood than others. I would feel approachable and I would feel as if I could approach anyone.

Now, over a year later, every day to work, I laugh a little to myself as I look into the sky. The clouds laugh with me, and the trees are bright with smiles. Its transformed my daily mood.. Just thought I would share.

"Mounds abound in peaceful glare,
The soggy ground with new green flare,
Life once silent now full of glee,
All this happens inside of me."
From my pen & ink drawing "Tree of Life":
https://www.etsy.com/listing/113944560/tree-of-life-abstract-surreal-natural?

The Gift Economy

The world has changed since I was a kid. I know things that are happening with my friends and acquaintances around the globe, all the time. I can check up on anyone, and I can browse a countless number of fashion, art, news, shops at the click of a button.

Nearly all of these websites and organizations are built off of money, and need money to survive, however. We are all deeply rooted in capitalism, whether you choose to be or not. It is a rare person to live without money, anywhere on the globe now.

But, with all the negativity of money, can there spring positivity. Capitalism is simple at it’s theory, at its very core – the companies or organizations that get money, survive, and those that don’t die. It is the sum of all the people’s decisions dealing with money that influences these outcomes, and it is ultimately money that controls the existence of some organizations, businesses, and even ideas.

In a gift economy, people give to give. They give to support, and they give to say something. They give objects or the give money, sometimes the prior being too cumbersome or too complicated to do, while money is simple, effective, and easily transmutable.

It is with money that you can support art, ideas, technology, and people. It is with money that you can voice your opinions across the globe.

It is the feeble mind that finds itself wondering if it can actually support another. It is the weakened and fearful that believe a small donation may wreak havoc on their lively hood. I made a realization at one point after finding 20$ in my pocket that I had forgotten about, that 20$ is really nothing. I forgot I had it, for god’s sake. I could have burned it in the fire and nobody would have known. Yet far too often do I see people bickering in their heads on whether to support someone for half that amount. As if it puts their life in jeopardy.

I ask you all to support what you love. Don’t save and horde your money. This is a time to transition from the belief that you need to save money in order to thrive. It is absolutely the other way around. Give gifts, spend money (conscientiously, of course) and be supporting.

Support! Gift! Be generous!

For those of you who buy coffee at starbucks [or insert any other shit like that here] a couple times a week – make it at home and spend it on something you actually care about.